Lux #3
Sometimes we cannot help but put people in their place when some individuals cross the line. Most of us do not mind intelligent people who are passionate about their opinions. However, we do mind know-it-alls who don’t actually know that much, yet feel the need to treat their opinions as facts and force them onto other people. At this moment, we are dealing with pretentious people who clearly don’t know the difference between debate and pretension. It unfortunately would be considered as immature to go around and smack some sense into those people. So here I present you with some polite but firm ways to put pretentious people at their place.
Ignore the Behaviour:
With any type of bad behaviour, you have to learn to ignore it when you want to put people in their place. Any other reaction will just function as a negative reinforcement, perhaps encouraging more unwanted behaviour. You must understand that with pretentious behaviour in particular, these people crave acknowledgement and attention. So withhold reactions from them, and you will find that they will stop or at least move on to someone else.
Maintain Indifference:
Unfortunately, there might be some things you just can’t ignore. Your own personality might make it impossible, but you may also be dealing with a team member or a family member whom you simply can’t ignore. In that case, feign indifference. This way you are kind of ignoring the behaviour, if not the person, and showing that you are bored by those know-it-all comments and attempts at superiority.
Stand Up for Your Opinions:
Pretentious people generally need to be right all the time, even when they are not. To them, their opinions are established facts because they're “experts” in everything. They misguidedly know more, work harder, and have experienced more than you; they are superior in every way. In truth, they're rarely superior to anyone. Certainly, you are not inferior, and neither are your opinions. Stand up for your ideas, and don't change your mind or get backed into a corner because of the authority pretentious people exert. Moreover, make it a point to say that everyone is entitled to an opinion, and every opinion is valuable to the person expressing it. This may effectively shut down the pretentious behaviour for a while.
Never Act Impressed:
Because pretentious people crave attention, they also want you to be impressed with everything they do. These people often have tendency to argue with anyone who doesn't automatically agree with them. As much as you might be tempted to agree with them to just “shut them off”, please never act impressed by it. Enforcing someone's ideologies on others is by all means not impressive. You don't have to say that out aloud, but maintain your cordial indifference and let the perpetrator know that you aren't at all impressed.
Confront the Behaviour:
The people you are dealing with may not realise that their behaviour is inappropriate or annoying. Take a time to do let them know. Don't do it angrily, nastily, or rudely. Take the person aside and let them know how their behaviour affects the people around them. Also, don't do it in front of a group. You might be tempted to embarrass them publicly, but that feeds into the need for attention and validation, as well as a motivation to play victim.
Assert Your Authority:
You know things too. This is similar to standing up for your opinion, but you also need to assert your authority as a fellow human being with intelligence, knowledge, and expertise. No one should ever try to put anyone else down or make him or her feel stupid. Do not allow the pretentious person in your life to get away with trying to.
Ask “Why?” Incessantly:
Question a pretentious person about their claims and fact-forced opinions, and it is likely that they will back down. This is generally because they do not have anything to back up their overblown assertions. Questioning the opinions they pass off as factual knowledge disorientates them and leaves them floundering, simply because they are likely unaccustomed to being questioned.
You do not have to be rude or confrontational to put people in their place. In fact, it's better if you remain tactful and considerate, because this will further emphasise the other person's pretentious behavior. Always remember, as well, that this person may not even realise how they come across to others. In the event that they do, however, shutting down this horrid behavior in a polite, detached way is far and away the best approach. I do sincerely hope that you are successful in dealing with these pretentious people; that is, if you are not one of these people.
Once again, thank you readers for helping me share and answer some of the intimate concerns you might have. This week’s topic was shared by an anonymous grade 11 student at Branksome; thank you so much. Please keep the concerns coming at hongeunji01137@branksome.asia, and I will be willing to address them as soon as possible.